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Good luck. Be careful not to get guiltripped into handing over your assets to your wife. Someone I know, age 55,  married to a woman for 30 years, was guiltripped by “his wife” after he came out to her.  As a consequence, he signed away his share of a multi-million dollars home to her for 1 dollar and also agreed in paper to pay the mortgage even after a divorce. He would have been left with only about 600 dollars a month to live on from there on, and she made sure to let him know of the numbers. Also be careful as some  women are often very keen on turning your children against you and using them as leverage to get you to agree to what they want. You should not respond to threats of “I am going to end up hospitalized”, or “I will never meet a man”, or “you ruined my life”.  Keep in mind that you were a victim of social injustices and that the real culprits here are society and its many deranged  preachers that even to this day tell  young gay men to marry and lead straight lives because their homosexuality will go away once they settle down with a woman. Apologize for your mistakes.

In essence his wife, a rather gainfully employed woman, after finding out of his sexuality guiltripped him into giving up all of his financial solvency, and then used her new found position of power as leverage to make her gay husband an actor in  her selfish delusional fantasy of being a gay man’s wife and  “only love”.  Her new position of  real power gained as a result of using guilt and emotional blackmail, together with other threats, then allowed her to demand things like:

a) Forcing her husband to put her picture in his office, even though he thought her “repulsive looking”.

b) Demanding her husband dates only a man  she approved of,  and threatening him with cutting off his penis  during his sleep if she were to find out he had sex with a man  behind her back.  In fact, she demanded he abstain from sexual contact with a man for six months after he revealed to her that he was gay; meanwhile she would insist he have sex with her on a regular basis if he were not to divorce her and face all the dark financial webs she laid out.  He would often admit he was just having sex with her as barter for peace and a little security.  In fact she also demanded her husband act “lovy dovy” with her even if he found her so sexually repulsive that he had abstained from having sex with her for over 10 years.  Apparently, the wife thought that by going into a crash diet and losing 50 pounds her gay husband would come around and find her physically appealing. His response  to her was that she was still physically not his thing, but she didn’t care.  People should just feel sorry for someone with so great a  capacity for self-delusion.  It goes without saying that at some point a straight spouse should exercise self-respect and just grant her gay husband the dignity of being himself; many straight women after finding out their husbands are gay attempt to make them straight rather than just letting themselves.

c) Stipulating that he should never look at a man lovingly or love a man. He was to love her only, even if he thought her disgusting and had to playact for her in order to keep her in her delusional fantasy.

e) Getting her husband never to sleep out or spend weekends  with any man he would be allowed to date on her terms. She wanted to be a “primary relation” and then she coerced her husband into making her that or face divorce and all the dark consequences . After she found out that her husband was in love with a man she demanded he walk away from the relation with the man  and also demanded he abandon any form of  friendship  with him. Her conditions were clear:  you do what I want,  or I will divorce you.   Were her gay husband not to agree, the  dire financial traps she nefariously rigged up  would have been unleashed.

f) Getting her husband to agree to her terms and make believe that she was his “only love ” in life when all he wanted of her was to be his roommate and to find a man to give her some sex and affection so that he could be what he had suppressed for over 30 years. In fact she would throw tantrums whenever he suggested  that he would be happy if she found a man who could meet her needs and they remain only roommates.  She would  even demand demand that he never look at men when he was around her; she would claim that he was selfish and lacked empathy for wanting to do so.

h) Forcing her husband to open all emails and personal communication between him and anyone else. That included keeping track of phone records.

i) Forcing her husband to write letters  to the man he loved claiming that he no longer wanted to be friends with him.  At some points she even coerced her husband into such actions by threatening him with disseminating false evidence that she had  gathered by cutting and pasting in his personal emails so as to paint him as a possible pedophile.

j) Telling her husband that if she didn’t stop talking to a man he loved she would black mail the man and make him lose his job.  This she achieved after gaining access to her husband private email.

In essence the guy’s wife would use threats of divorce and blackmail and its horrific financial consequences as leverage of control.  She would also use false evidence she would manufacture as methods of manipulation.  To give you an idea, at one point she visited her husband’s  gay therapist to tell him that her husband could be a pedophile and that she was concerned for the safety of children;  and only after her husband  told her that he would try  relegate his homosexuality to fantasy with the help of a psychiatrist and drugs did she tell the therapist that she was referring to 21+ year old men as “boys”.

Again, be careful what you sign and if you feel that you are doing something out of guilt, just stop and see a gay therapist immediately. You should also contact a gay lawyer ASAP and do not fall victim to emotional blackmail.  Do not let you wife pit your children against you, or use them as a way of forcing you to do things she wants. Remember that your wife can’t throw you out of the house unless she goes through the proper channels.

Under no condition should you allow you wife into your personal emails with other men you may have personal dealings with.  Best of luck to you.


Lesbians coming out to a straight spouse often face even a more terrifying system of manipulation from their husbands. Straight men have perhaps the worse false sense of sexual entitlement, and have no compunction with imprisoning their wives by means of all kinds of nefarious guilt trip rigging, and the deployment of financial traps. To make matters worse women have been subjected to years of conditioning peddling the notion that rearing a family and being totally devoted to it is all that matters in their lives. Often young lesbian faced with these pressures foreclose on their sexuality, marry a straight spouse and embrace a life of inauthenticity and playacting to keep a straight spouse happy.