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Topics raised in discussion between Dr. Brian Hooper and Bonnie Kaye

Therapists poorly advise women and ask them to hang in there in a marriage with a gay husband.

Marital vows do not include the sexual orientation of the people taking them.

Bonnie discusses the category of non-straight men.

Often gay men married to women label themselves as bi, curious, because they feel more acceptable.

Often gay men playacting straight husbands find it difficult to embrace the whole spectrum of stereotypes associated with gay men; so they refuse to label themselves as gay.

Women get stuck in marriage relations with gay men. Gay husbands are very reluctant to embrace the consequences of their sexual orientation.

Gay men often refuse to terminate a marriage to a straight woman primarily because they find it very pleasant to be in a straight relation. Social endorsement.

Have issues with the claim that transvestites are gay. Most transvestites are actually straight men.

Likelihood that gay men in a straight marriage will not act on their sexuality very low. Takes a lot of energy to withhold secret.

Women want to believe that husbands are doing the right thing.

Discussion of a woman that remarries a gay husband thinking that he had been healed, only to discover that he was still gay.

Discussion of reparative therapy. Promotes self-loathing,  anxiety…. Reputable therapist don’t engage in such type of therapy.

Reparative therapy does not work.

Often gay men in straight marriages stay in marriage not to turn world of wife upside down. Staying is such marriage  is inhumane for both.

Love is not enough for a gay man to stay in a straight marriage.

The word authentic discussed. Authenticity causes our life to grow into its fullness. Living contrary to nature violate authenticity.

Woman concern about husband being involved with a younger person. Worried of children inheritance lost.

Discussion of what motivation can cause a relation between an older man and a younger man.

When a gay man comes out after a straight marriage he attempts to compensate for his lost years. It is not the same as straight man having a midlife crisis.

Discussion of women and how they are much better off after walking away from  a marriage with a gay men.

Women advised to trust the intuition they have about their husbands.

Gay husbands attempt to isolate wives from their families. This is often done by men who are abusers.

Manipulators like to separate their victims from their families and community. Keep victims from having outside contact, keep them from family and friends.

Women lose their self-esteem when married to closeted gay husbands.

Discussion of the Moonies Church and the methods they use to control subjects. Similarities drawn with gay men married to gay women and how they attempt to control them.

Women get programmed by gay husbands into thinking that they can’t live without them.

Dysfunctional families are the standard today, not the reverse. That was not the case in the old days, Bonnie claims.

Discussion of binge drinking and alcohol consumption. Touches on the gay community. Fewer models today exist of how to be in a relation with another human being.  People don’t have role models for relations.  Children model their relations on their parents relations. Be honest about who you are with children.

Bonnie talks about the possible genetic causality of homosexuality.  It is more traumatizing for kids not to know that a father is gay.

Discusses children in relation to a gay father.

 

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