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Bonnie Kaye is a therapist specializing on issues affecting straight women that end up married to gay men.  In the following program she interviews Mary Glynn and they discuss  some traumatic issues that affect straight women when they learn their husbands are gay.

Program available at link at end of the page. I took notes on the program. Here are some topics discussed in the program of Aug 18, 2013.

Post traumatic stress discussed in relation to a gay husbands.

Some causes:

Many causes. One of them is betrayal and deceit.



Negatives belief about the world.

Diminished interest in pre-trauma living.

self-destructive behavior.

Hyper visuals.

Distorted sense of blame for yourself and others.


feeling things are not real.

Overtime flashbacks diminish.

Talk therapy is not a solution to post traumatic stress.

Discussion of what methods can be used to deal with the trauma.

Bonnie asks: How can people recover from traumas, and can they recover?

People survive trauma. They survive differently. They can survive by blocking.

When unpleasant memories come up you block them.

Women who marry gay men often come from dysfunctional families where they were abused.


Creating a false self. Some gay men do that when they hid their sexuality and marry a straight women.
A gay man comes into the marriage with a false self.
A gay man who chooses to lie to a wife and playact for her is  not there to make a marriage work. You are dealing with a false-self.

Gay men embrace acting only because they are afraid of losing the marriage, it is not because they are going to change. The behavior comes back after the threat is gone.

 Second Honeymoons.

Gay men in straight marriages are not looking for personal growth with you. They are just looking for you to accept who they are.

Straight women because they are socialized to be care givers are oblivious to the red flags. They think they can change their husbands and make them honest. Women are deceiving themselves.

Women coming out of  a gay marriages have to give themselves a minimum of a year to find out who they are. They are coming off of an addiction.  They don’t know who they are. These women have to grieve. They need to deal with the trauma of what happened to them. The women have to heal. If you don’t heal you will end up in the same situation.

Good tips for self esteem building: ( women in marriages with gay men have low self esteem issues):
Self esteem has a lot to do with being mindful, being still in yourself. You can achieve self esteem through mindfulness  exercises, through yoga, meditation, relaxation, things that are soothing and grounding, there is a whole list of things available. Things that make you comfortable inside your body. Learn how to be still and that way you develop a sense of your core…


A false is a personality disorder. You tell them what you know and they deny it. Their mission is to see themselves in a particular way.

Validate your experience. You validate your own experience.

A person that is not honest with himself and keep a false self going is not a good thing. It is not always a terrible thing.

Gay fathers are not often interest in their children. Sociopath make it difficult. The destructive partner align themselves against one of the partner. They kids from these marriages.   Children in gay

marriages have severe problems. Children of gay fathers live with issues surrounding their own sexuality.

Discussion of issues children face.

Children growing up in situation where there is deceit are severely affected and they will seek destructive situations in their relations.

Children issues:

Low self esteem.

Question own sexual identity.

Fear of the situation in their own lives.

They establish similar relations with other people.

To go to the talk show click on this text.

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